where faith awaits

kun huo....._

2004-11-04T08:29:00.000-08:00

how do u tell a person to stop wastin his time n sms on u n tt u only cherish him as fre?
how do u tell a person tt u like him n ask him if he feel the same?
qns qns qns = KUN HUO!!
recently someth tt happened to a fre of mine makes me reali starts to think...
how do u know when u like a person? n if the feelins are reali there or jus infatuation?
feelins are definately the main consideration but arent external factors like edu level,family backgrd etc jus as impt?how can u tell if a person like u? if he's attached le or highly sought for..sld we still go for it?but keep thinkin abt tt person e whole day w/o knowin if they reciprocal also v xin ku horz...haiz my tt fre wld know wa im talkin hor..''tt fre''

happy! happy! happy!

2004-11-03T00:06:00.000-08:00

as e song goes~happy..it's so nice to be happy...lalala haha..yeah today tingz is a happy ger..why? e ans is obvious for those who noe me haha ~~cuz yest she went back OC (agn!) haha..okie here goes...

had lunch wif a bunch of collegues fr LSD..on e way there almost got hit down by a car!! why?simply cuz i was follwin pp blindly dint see tt it's still red light..luckily got my darz shir pulled me back!so drama! n this is not e 1st time she ''saved'' me le..haha thks shir!tin i muz change my this bad habit..

after lunch went drop chqs wif adrian(hey! u honoured or not? got 3 bodyguards lehz! haha),then went back Tong Eng..so funny me n shir like sneakin ard want to see alot pp but also like don dare to see..but reali la..had a great time catchin up or more like gossipin! wif uncle mar,jesrlyn,yvonne,jenny,mayling..ect etc..feels so wen xin to see my darlin jie lun stickers still on e gd old PC..haiz..n those gd old dayz..

after tt shir n i embarked on a very ''excitin'' mrt ride to...yishun!! n back to orchard! haha agree hor shir? for those who wan to know wa happen can come n ask me...hee..shir..jus wana add on here tt i reali had a v wonderful time wif u..i will alwas rmb u as my best email pal k?fres 4eva!

then dinner ar..met adrianz n mayling agn to meet ron chin for dinner at bugis..can tell tt mayling reali miss her boss alot..cant blame her cuz we all used to be so closely work related but now...anywaz as usual..i dint hv a gd time durin dinner cuz keep gettin ''suan'' n bullied as i was e youngest there..sob sob...hee..but extremely happy la...all in all..tiredz also..

okie here's the ''thankin'' part agn..haha
1st n formost...(haha) wan to thanks those who sms me to show their concern to me n remind me to see doc n take medicine...also thanks to those who ''mo mo'' ie quietly care for me..u noe who u r la hor =P
2ndly..special thanks to adrian for helpin me sorta finish my rice durin both lunch n dinner..wei qu ni le..preventin me from committin the sin of wastin food..haha n also for sendin me the pic online when u r bz..appreciated..
3rdly..to von,sharon,janez,yang,alex n adrian(sim) hope we hv a fantastic time this comin fri! since we dint go out in e end last wk..may we hv a blast! haha
4thly..to all my fres who's havin their ntu,nus,a levels esp,johnson,quiting,hua,xue,joy,yihz,xin,pegz n my real sister..weiting who's havin her 'O's..gd luck! i m here prayin n supportin u all jia youz!!
5thly..to all those fres who tolerated my over-emotioness n pessimism..i am really thankful for all ur support throu out the yrs n months..reali..i hv been tryin..but 1 thing which cfm makes me happy n feel loved is when im wif pp like u all..call friends! pp who like me n i also like them...as simple as tt..hee..
6thly..to all those who feedbacked to me wanted to add comments to my blog but cant..u know wa?? u sld go get a blog now!!!
haha..kkz..tt's all folks..nitez!

sick...

2004-10-30T01:51:00.000-07:00

haiz im officially sick le..cuz maybe these dayz keep ranin then i keep gettin drencehed n so tired also lorz from gg out n talkin on phone wif hua n junz till v latez on diff nitez.. special thks to hua for givin me the encouragement to step out my 1st step of standin up for myself..for wa i believed im right in n junz for cheerin me up tt nitez..reali had a hilarious time talkin wif u! haha

hmmz here jus wana tell all e guys who mayb readin my blog here tt...as e sayin goes..NV BEAT A GER UP...but jus a gentle reminder tt NV SCOLD A GER also...nv nv do or hurt someone whom is impt to u cuz sometimes sayin repeated sorry don cure..only real action does..unless tt ger reali v er xin kind la..cuz not only guys hv their pride gers also hv wa! n we r more thin skin then u all k..anywaz shall tell u all more agn..
also rmb it's beta to trash things out wif pp whom u cherish n don wana lose..jus as i did wif a fre of mine..jane..a fre whom i know i can nv eva afford to lose..sort of we had been puttin up wif each other n i reckon tt it's time we talk things thro n WE DID! n the end results was us being more accomadatin to each other n changin for each other for e beta...n we so funny! tryin to assume each others' roles haha..

last nite also reci a letter from chao wei~~long awaited! haha but nvm la chao wei..i underst de..anywaz it's reali a long~~~letter but a gd one also! bet i will hv a long n enjoyable time replyin u yaz..hee..all the best to ur 1st day of workz! jia youz wor! i can alre imagine u in formal attire..so sauve n mature lookin ahz..haha

today is my last maths lect..next time sharon n von no more tgth wif us le..but don worry if wan to keep to contact cfm will de hor? haha im sure they wont mind comin for stats jus to see us ritez..haha don puke la...
today met up wif junz jus b4 he go off in a plane tonite...alre worried for him..cuz i also know tt he's worried for himself..haiz...
last but not least thanks a million to my dear xuez for helpin me print my tut slons! ai ni also!! haha >.<
here r somethings i written durin my lect haha...

~spiralling down the messes of the masses
mirroring the ugliness of the wickedness
swimmin through the conlficts of the confused
escaping from the sterotype of reality~

n my 1st ''le guan'' poem specially dedicated to jane ang yu ling!! fres eva k? hee..love ya darz! haha
~embracing the sun,
i feel a sense of warmth.
abandoning the rain,
escaption of my dreanced self.
counting the twinkling stars,
realizing that my faith still holds.
seating on the shiny irony moon,
i feel the vastly oceans under me.
closing my eyes slowly,
a sense of belief overcame...
i breathe in something unfamiliar
something call....hope..~

shrinkin............

2004-10-24T23:56:00.000-07:00

im shrinking..smaller n smaller..into a hole of no base
im slippin..further n further towards e borders of unknown,unsure,unsercured
im fallin..deeper n deeper into e world of sadness,selfishness
but why......why....am i becomin more n more not me?

almost cried out today...i hate myself..hate my weakness of being too emotional..hate e way i became..hate my stupidity..hate e way socitey are...hate pp who diminishes me..who say pretty is gd? who say branded is gd? who say havin class n status is superior?who say havin style is cool? i don wan tt i don wan all of tt!!!!!!!!! i hate e way e society r! i don care wa durkheim,marx or weber says! i don care if it's society makes indivs or e other way round!! i hate pp who loves attractin attention! who act n act n act all e time!why muz there be pp who r like tt??expect e world world to give in to him/her??keep complainin n think tt he/she is very big deal! egoism is her/him but i tin im gonna suffer fr anomie!!why got some pp who r creeps jerks insincere yet r happy n popular all e time?!? who say local unis r gd?? why izzit tt juz cuz i don wana take engineneerin n purcsure my dreams in SIM im being labeled unopenly thou..why izzit tt this yr it's so hard to get into NTU biz u tell me?? wa is this?????!?!?! why can some pp talk w/o considerin pp's feelins? talkin abt bein upset tt he cant get into law or mass com when he got into my dream course ntu biz???!?! wa's this?? friendS?? life???

shed tingz...

2004-10-24T23:28:00.000-07:00

haiz this wkend im so so tired!!
start wif fri 1st ba..fri i went eat lunch at NP wif sharon,von,adrain,yang n jane..then in e end THANKS to e super heavy rain we had e GREAT chance to explore NP haha..walked n sweated like mad man!! tin we all lose 1 kg of wt le..hahaha..then we also win..wanted to study maths test then becum eatin at cafateria,playin pool n walkin ard sim n NP..haha so funny!durin e maths test even best! we had a v ENGROSED cum CONSTRUCTIVE disscuison! tin our mks gg to be the same!!muhaha~~aft tt went bugis for dinner wif all our brian juice washed out..
next day also woke up super early to go sing ktv wif hua at suntec! results=SORE THROAT!! :(
then went bugis got e ping an fu for junz cuz he's gg brunei..actuali quite worried for him..cuz heard fr him tt it's super ulu n cfm got it's bit of danger there..haiz anywaz..hope he will ping an hui lai..will pray for him de...then we met xue at long john at jp for dinner..we 3 crazy 38 like tt took alotz of photos!! haha k la..only me..got my ''xie zhen'' there in frester u guys can go check it out! like my EYE,TEETH n BEI YING etc..hee..not forgettin i bought pingchao's cd le!! nice~~~~hee...laugh until i no breath n voice le..haha but fun la..
special thanks to hua here for sendin me the photos! *ai ni~* =P haha
sun also got woken up by SOMEBODAY irritatin's phone calls! called me 3 times lor!! zhen tao yen! then went acc junz to beach rd to buy things..drizzlin also..long time nv see junz le...glad to see him got abit gained wt le..else will be blown away by wind sooner or latter haha..junz,u don kill me for tt ar! haiz the rest v borin..met up wif jane n ck..dono do wa..in e end go jp eat swensens..sianz..saw weatherman today..i v scared to face him n my guilt is incrementin...........how???

wHaT |S 2 yRs oF |oVe??

2004-10-20T08:46:00.000-07:00

heloz pp...
today was another happy day for me!hee..aft 2 days of coppin up at hm to study n ''si bei'' my tt stupid mktg n maths tests...i finally let myself out of e bird cage!!!
the air is fresh the wind is so breezy n e pp r all so bz n i think im turnin crazy!!
haha rhymes hor? not bad not bad..muhaha~~
anywaz today i v v happy cuz went back raffles place find adrianz for lunch!!RAFFLES place lehz!!hee..miss the place so so muz..cuz after all it's a place i spent half a yr gg to..its cuz of this place..whereby i become more independent,matured n had a whole new workin experience n gianed a bunch of gd fres..i miss e food there,miss those fridays whereby caltex hus is so happenin then shir n i will be like ''aunties'' q up for free gifts!haha..miss those chq droppin n lunch time i had wif shir..but definately don miss e part whereby i felt down in maybank!haha...i also dono why i miss oc so muz..not tt i reali had a v v happy n wonderful time there..mayb its cuz e ''gd'' pp i met plus the wenxin times i had there is greater than ''bad'' pp n the erxin things tt had happened ba..me ma..alwaz so sentimental abt things..gettin emotional agn..haiz..
anywayz after lunch i walked to esplanade lib all by myself lehz!!!(ya rite like v liao bu qi mehz?haha)then while waitin for my fres to come..guess wa?!?a stranger guy came to approach me..ask if i can talk to him cuz he jus broke up wif his gf of 2 yrs due to 3rd party!!i was scared n shocked..i wanted to reject him but in e end dint..cuz on 1 hand i was afraid wa he'll do if i say no n on e other i feel tt he only need some1 to talk to so why not?since i can help...then as i hear him talk..i reali feel he reali love his gf..but tt ger actually let him down...to him,he lost a ger who don love him enuff but to tt ger,she lost a guy who loves her deeply...haiz...''wen shi jian qing wei he wu,zhi jiao ren shen si xiang shui''.........i reali wish tt he will find anther gd ger n hope tt whoeva up there stop playin games wif gd pp..haiz..n hope he wont xiang bu kai..
after a ''constructive'' studyin cum CHATTIN time wif alex,von n yang (btw they r all nice pp..v knowlegble n fun to be wif!)..i met xue for dinner..haha n e 2 of us laugh non stop dono wa so funny..mayb cuz we 2 love n enjoy seein each other too muz ba?hor,xue?haha..haiz kkz gota stop now..tmr n fri my dead day aka si qi..today crazy n laugh too muz le..too happy till no mood to menorise my tt toopid mktg..haiz..wish me luck :(

shiokz happyz enjoyable tiredz wkendz!!

2004-10-17T08:34:00.000-07:00

yoyoyoyz!!
so long dint update my blog any1 misses knowin my daily life details??muhaha~~
obviously i sound n definaltely is muz cheerful now! cuz i finally reali let go of tt orange juice le!!i jus wrote waeva i wanted to say to him in msn n i don care wa he tin or wether he reply or not cuz i jus wan to tell him straight of how i reali feel!he's not worth my sincerity!hmmz okie enuff abt him le..let me tell u all abt my WONDERFUL~~~wkend!!
on fri i went shoppin wif 3 gers n i quite happy n pleased cuz i sort of hv this grudge against 1 of this ger in my sec sch days..but this few wks keep seein her teill now i feel tt things r ok le..i even added her in frester! anywaz tin we both hv changed for the beta..no longer so chidish or petty..it's beta to hv 1 more fre than foe agree?then i reach hm quite late..
next day sat still hv to wake up v early to prepare my fre's bdaz pre n to go for kbox lunch ktv (tired is tiredz but no complaints thou cuz ktv rulez!!!haha) we sang 5 hrs of ktv straightz!!! v v v shiokz n enjyable!! cuz i get to hear my darlin jayz sing live!!!haha no la..cuz this guy call adrianz he sang superbly well!!! we all listen till jaws drop cuz when he sing jay's songs sound jus like jay,sing nicholes tse sounds like him,sing 5566 soounds like sun xiezhi!! n the list goes on..
tin he's e first guy whom i tin is beta than junz(jun if u readin this don kill me ar haha)..after ktv when to take alot of photos v v fun! i love takin photos but prefer neoprints thou cuz more fun n make me look beta..haha else i m like jian bu de ren de..:(
we also bought nydc cakes for him..quite nice..delicacy!! but too bad i don eat chocos...hmmz...after tt went jp meet my korz he bought a pair of converse shoes..i like his maid like tt everytime want to buy this kind of things alswaz drag me along..haiz..but luckily after tt xue n joy came to join us also!! long time dint see them le so happy..miss them lotz..huajie also long time dint see le :(
but i din eat dinner cuz was too full...n guess wa??in the end tt ''weatherman'' guy pack supper for me even delivered it to my doorstep! i was doubly touched cuz he tool a cab here so tt e food will still be hot as it was quite late le..ard 11plus..haiz but agn touced is touced..don tin im worthly of pp treatin me so gd..donno why..maybe used to it le ba..haiz..my korz say i m ''sha de''(ie silly)..n jian gu tou..abit la..i agree..but wa to do??
haiz next wk got 2 tests!! stress~~~but lucky my 1st soci test i did well so it's a gd motivation for me to strive even beta!! jis you jis youz!! n oh ya! to all my sim newly make fres~happy knowin u guys also!!! take carez folks! =p

movies.....

2004-10-03T09:52:00.000-07:00

hv u ever watch a movie whereby u feel u r so so absorb into e story n cant get out? well..me did..plenty of times in fact n also thro idol drama series esp those love stories like meator garden 1..me enjoy watchin movies..mostly cuz when im watchin movies,i mean those gd ones la..i'll be like so indugle into e story plot..jus for tt 2 hrs..i can beauitfully n naturally forget all my pain,my sadness,my hollowness,my pathetic life for tt short but precious 2 hrs..donno if any1 share my feelins?....i got this guy who's been very sweet n thoughtgful to me..not only can we chat n communicate well but i also feel a sense of closeness n comformity wif him..he sms me every mornin,lunch n nitez..but e closer i get to him e further i wan myself to drift..why?simply cuz i m not used to pp treatin me so gd..simply cuz i feel im worthless of any1 to love or dote on me..cuz it had been v long since i was e centre of adoration..i reali donno wa i wan...a guy who loves me more or i love him more? sld be the latter ba..then im dommed manz!back to tt guy..how ar?i tin i will only end up hurtin him..haiz...anywayz me miss ocbc lotz..went back on last mon!had nv felt so happy for as long as i cld rmb! catchin up wif those collegues i used to see everyday was so wenxin!then adrian told me tt he went for a ocbc dinner jus now..omg!!me so envious!!hee..tin next time mayb i will go there work..haha..kkz..gotta end here...still got lotz to say next time!

hmmz..

2004-10-02T18:09:00.000-07:00

hmmz...sat right behind him on thurs durin lunch n i was like so so nervous! heart pounchin n racin like anyth! hee..but tin me n him no outcome one..i wont go talk to him unless he initatites it 1st which he definately wont..haiz..anyway fri quite fun went sing ktv wif my maths class pp..1st time go out wif sim pp!!haha..now feel beta al least i know quite a few fres in sim le..but then hor i feel quite guilty cuz supposed to meet huiyi(my new fre in sim) then din meet up cuz i was gg to sing ktv..sorry lehz huiyi if u r readin this..anywayz..next wk i promise k?hee..sat was 1 busy day!wah..today i v independent went to ps n back to jp ALONE!!haha..on my way there i was readin a soci book written by giddens A on durkhiem,marx etc..wah..chimology man! haiz..soci is so so so abstract!haiz... went celeb my jc fre's bdaz at 1 restuarant outside PS..the mexican baked rice i ordered not v nice lehz...too oily n fillin din finish it...then went to watch white chicks wif my korz..haha it was super hilarious n funny manz!!! i guess wa makes it special n glam abt hollywood movie is tt not only r these movies v action-flick or uses high tech effect but also cuz of their story plot..in almost every hollywood movies i watch,i alwaz end out feelin someth else such as a sense of touched or i suddenly feel a sense of hope or faith awaiting..u noe?tt nite i was still sms-ing my fres tellin them how lost i felt..i donno wa m i dd in sim..i donnno wa m i dd wif my life..i donno how to like or love a pp anymore..haiz...hmmz..anywaz..tt's it la..kkz so longz..heheh

it's wed agn

2004-09-29T08:21:00.000-07:00

it's wed agn..the only day when i hv e same lesson as him...but of wa use will tt be? only makin myself even sadder..the feelin of so near yet so far..today FINALLY hear his voice!! as we queue up for the same stall..hmmz...abit rough ar..sounds like those ah-du kind of voice muhaha!
hmmz..but how come tt in the midst of so many gd lookin guys in sch im only attracted to him??he's not v handsome,those cool cool ah beng type..but guess it's his ''qi zhi'' ba..hmmz..donno lehz...3 yrs comin down..will we hv a turn round e corner or will we be jus walkin ard e cirlce?? fate awaits...